A practical guide for parents navigating bullying concerns at school when responses feel unclear, ineffective or become focused on whether the behaviour meets a particular definition. This toolkit helps you understand what is happening, ask better questions and take structured, confident steps to keep the focus on your child’s safety and what needs to change.

One of the most difficult situations for parents is raising concerns about bullying only to be told the behaviour is considered “peer conflict” or does not meet the school’s definition of bullying. Once the disagreement becomes about terminology, the original concern can become lost.

Whether behaviour is ultimately classified as bullying, peer conflict or something else, however, you can still ask important questions about the behaviour itself, its impact on your child, what the school knows about it and how identified safety or wellbeing concerns are being addressed.

This toolkit helps you move the conversation away from simply arguing over the word bullying. Instead, it shows you how to document individual incidents and patterns, describe the behaviour clearly, identify what remains unresolved and ask what actions are being considered in response.

You’ll learn how to ask the school what definition or policy it has applied, what information informed its assessment and what process applies if the behaviour is not classified as bullying. This allows you to seek clarity without assuming that a particular bullying framework necessarily applies to your child’s circumstances.

The toolkit also helps you distinguish between reassurance and an actionable response. Rather than accepting broad statements that a situation is being “managed,” you’ll have practical questions for clarifying what can appropriately be shared with you, what measures relate specifically to your child and how concerns will be reviewed if the behaviour continues.

Inside, you’ll find practical scripts, email examples, meeting questions, documentation strategies and step-by-step guidance for raising concerns and following up when the response has not resolved the issue.

This is not about proving that every difficult peer interaction is bullying. It is about making sure that a disagreement over terminology does not prevent you from continuing to raise the behaviour, its impact and your child’s needs.

This resource is designed for parents who want to move from “The school says it’s peer conflict — now what?” to “Whatever it is called, I know what questions to ask and what outcome I am seeking for my child.”

✔ Understand how schools may distinguish bullying from other forms of peer behaviour

✔ Ask what definition, policy or process has been applied to your concerns

✔ Document individual incidents and patterns clearly

✔ Respond when concerns are described as “peer conflict” or do not meet a bullying definition

✔ Keep discussions focused on behaviour, impact, safety and your child’s needs

✔ Ask outcome-focused questions when you are told the situation is being “managed”

✔ Use practical scripts, emails and meeting questions to follow concerns up clearly

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Disclaimer: This resource is based on lived experience and provides general information and practical communication and advocacy strategies only. Whether particular conduct constitutes bullying, peer conflict, harassment, discrimination or another form of behaviour depends on the circumstances and the definitions, policies and laws that apply. This resource does not determine that a school, individual or organisation has acted unlawfully or improperly, does not guarantee that a particular policy or process applies, and is not legal, psychological, educational or other professional advice. Where appropriate, consider obtaining advice relevant to your individual circumstances.